62 Days of Billy Blue

It’s been sixty-two days since I’ve known Billy Blue.

There’s been laughter and stories, surprises and sex,

Kissing and car rides, casinos and craps,

Photo booths, sangria, sushi and beers.

And on day sixty-one, there were tears.

And that’s when I realized, all the warning signs were there.

It was for Billy Blue that I truly did care.



Wherever you live, whatever you do,

There’s always that moment when you know it’s true.

When lust turns to like, or like turns to love;

That you might actually have feelings, when push comes to shove.

Wedding stories momentarily aside, I had a highly un-Aquarian “oh shit” moment last night when I realized that my feelings for Billy Blue were actually feelings—feelings I couldn’t brush off or leave behind in a bar or at the bottom of an empty bottle of Jack. Somewhere in the past sixty-two days I had lost control of my emotions and suddenly Billy was not just another Benjamin or Realtor or Trader or Attorney. My on/off switch unexpectedly shorted out and there I was, stuck with feelings.

So how can you avoid this sneak attack of sentiment? Just look for these telltale signs so you can better prepare yourself for those oxygen-depraving, heart-stopping, gut-wrenching moments when you realize that emotions really can come true in New York.

Jealousy
By the time you’ve hit age twenty-five, you’ve most likely had at least two post-junior high relationships, been cheated on, and had a minimum of one heart wrenching break-up that either resulted in a borderline eating disorder or required weekly attendance at your local AA chapter—essentially, a dating graveyard. So why do we (ok why did I) get jealous just hearing about our current partner’s hairy ex from college who permanently smelled like curry or seeing an old picture on Facebook that was never untagged? It’s because we want to have what they once shared together and more. Essentially, we want to stick around longer, outperform, outlook, and outsex our predecessors.

Fear
I should have smelled my emotions sneaking up on me from a mile away when Billy told me he was going out with a friend to play “wingman” for the night. The knot I instantly got in my stomach was an unkind reminder of when The Attorney played “wingman” one night with one of his friends—and so graciously ended up with another woman in his bed the next morning. When the fear of potentially losing someone enters the picture, you’re a goner for control over your feelings. White flag should be a full staff.

Approval from Your Friends
If your friends don’t like your significant other, whether they’re sober or inebriated, it’s usually for a damn good reason that you’re too stubborn (or drunk) to see. But once you know your friends have given their stamp of approval (and it hasn’t happened since 2007), your emotional guard instantly, and uncontrollably, goes down, making you more at ease with all those happy thoughts in your head that you can now free.

Lack of Flaws
Impatience, sub-par driving skills, and a tendency to avoid talking about feelings are just a few of my flaws—we all have them. If I had a dollar for every sneeze, chew, ugly shoe, bad pair of jeans, or obsession with Fantasy Football that annoyed me in my past relationships, I’d be a rich woman who could finally stop slinging Coors Lights on Friday nights. But when you can’t see your significant other’s flaws or choose to overlook them, all I have to say is one and a half words: DONE-ZO!

I can only hope that these four warning signals can help you to identify and better prepare yourself for any “oh shit, I have feelings” moments in your relationship futures. Hangovers happen, and apparently so do emotions. Who knew what 2010 would bring?