Billy Blue

Continued from last week’s Single in the City...

“Hi. Who are you?” I asked, instantly drawn to this complete stranger. He was magnetic.

“I’m Billy Blue,” he said with a charming smile and sparking blue eyes.

“I’m Bacchus,” I returned, unable to come up with something witty to say, unable to focus on anything else in the room.

After staring at each other for the better half of Black Eyed Peas' “I Gotta Feelin’” I noticed some skitterish movement to my right. I was forced to break my eye lockdown with Billy to acknowledge the man who had so rudely interrupted our staring contest.

“Oh, this is my friend Robin, who I came here with,” Billy hurriedly introduced me to his sidekick. I quickly sized up Billy’s wingman and knew I had to divert him elsewhere.

“Oh, well this is Jenna,” I said as I ungracefully grabbed for my girlfriend who was a good five to six feet away, trapped in a conversation with an AARP member who had somehow managed to make his way to the upstairs bar without requiring an emergency hip replacement.

I was ready and willing to pawn Jenna off on Robin so that Billy and I could get back to staring at each other. I didn't know if Robin was gay, straight, employed, homeless, herpes-ridden, or secretly obsessed with Dungeons & Dragons, and unfortunately for Jenna's sake, I couldn't have cared less.

Billy and I chatted each other up for a good forty-five minutes, acknowledging Robin and Jenna only when utterly necessary. He was originally from Ireland, had a college education, didn't live with his mother, didn't own any cats, and was one of NYPD’s finest. I practically melted and simultaneously orgasmed right then and there in the middle of Mad River. Had I found my very own Detective Stabler, who fought crime by day and could consume liver-damaging amounts of whiskey by night? There was a god.

Eventually, Billy and Robin headed back downstairs as Jimmy Whisk and I closed the upstairs bar and wrapped up the very successful Single in the City happy hour. Soon thereafter I made my way downstairs, spotting Billy and Robin across the bar. As I made my way towards my godsend and his wingman, I saw Robin violently kicking Billy in the shin in an effort to give him a heads up that I was about to find him talking to two girls. I laughed and shook my head as I approached, with Robin awkwardly trying to make small talk as Billy blushed and stammered.

But I wasn’t worried about Billy talking to two women over the age of thirty wearing mom jeans with bad roots—I knew that I would be the one who would eventually seal the deal with Billy. And within one week, I had more than sealed the deal…